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I am so freaking cool. So much cooler than you could ever dream of. If I could count all of the cool in my pinky it'd be out of this planet, hell, out of this universe. People try all their lives to become half, no, a third of how cool I am. And you know what? They fail. Miserably. You could try for thousands upon thousands of years, and you'd just begin to scratch the surface of my awesomeness. I get millions of letters a day proclaiming how awesome I am, how people want to be like me. I bet no one will ever write you a letter about how spectacularly awesome you are. Hell, if I took all of the coolness in one of my god damn arm hairs and did something amazing with it you all would have to move to a different hemisphere because the sheer amount of coolies would melt your eyes. That's right. Your fucking eyes would melt because that's how god damn cool I am. You know how much more fucking cool I am than you? More than you can handle. That's right bitch. You think you can handle this amount of awesome? I dont think you can. It takes an amazing person to handle this much coolness. Any other person would crumble upon recieving the gift of my grooviness. That's right. Now make me a sandwhich

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